So Yer Girlfriend's A Pirate, Says Ye?

1. When yer girlfriend's a-sleepin', will she...
Only grace the softest bed with her fair grace, with the finest silk sheets.
Sleep on a bed, a nice warm snuggly bed, but even an unmade one will do.
Sleep on the sofa, e'en a sofabed will do.
Sleep anywhere, the roughest deck, the cabin closet, e'en standing up!

2. If she drops yer dishes an' breaks 'em, will she...
Burst inta tears like a little girl.
Exclaim loudly but start to swab the mess up.
Point and laugh manically.
Kick the broken dishes across the deck in a rage, and vent anger with the finest collection of swearwords ye ever did hear, some that'd make e'en the staunchest pirate blush.

3. If ye offers her a drink, her first choice is...
Nothing but the freshest mountain spring water.
A nice light bubbly fruit juice.
A medium-dry white wine spritzer.
Rum.

4. If ye told her that all the rum was gone, her answer'd be...
Yuck. Horrible drink. Good riddance.
Darn. I wanted it try it as well.
But why is all the rum gone?
No! Not good! Stop! Not good!

5. If ye told her she could have any treasure in the world, to the ends of the earth an' beyond, what would she go fer?
Haircare products, maybe curling tongs, eyeliner, maybe other - very, very subtle - makeup.
Good boots.
Freedom, a distant horizon. And a ship. And lots of rum.
Gold, silver, jewels, other gems. Did I say gold already? Has she already pried out me lucky good tooth?

6. If a sea monster, maybe a Kraken, came along, what would yer girlfriend do?
Cower in the corner, blowing on her nails, hoping she doesn't break them.
Hide in the corner, looking for a valid method of killing the beastie.
Run screaming towards it with a cutlass in her hand.
Face death square in the eye. Then fire all the cannons at it - and attack with a cutlass if that doesn't work.

7. If ye asked her who Davy Jones was, what would she say?
A cute guy she dated while in high school?
Bill Nighy?
A sea captain?
The scourge of the seas, commander of the Kraken, and the blackest soul in this life?

8. Can she speak like a pirate?
No, because through some flaw of fate, the rain in Spain falls mainly upon the plains.
Aye! Avast me hearties! Ten bottles o' rum on a dead man's chest and all that tallyho!
Aye, but sometimes with a slight formal hint.
Aye, says I, 'course I can talk like a scurvy sea salt, and I'll come after any landlubber who dares disagree!

There, are ye ready to find out?